As a parent, I think it is natural for everyone to want help your child along the way. It is what we have done since the day we brought them home. When you are preparing to bring a child into this world there are books you can find about your first days at home with a newborn, Your first year, your toddler years, even books on those hard preteen and teenage years. I have yet to find a book on how to learn to let go as they grow up. Better yet, is there a book for parents that send their child away to prep school or other opportunities at a young age? I have not found one. It is a learn as you go process with trial and error. Most parenting at this point is trial and error.
The experience of having your child leave at 14 has sure had some interesting issues present themselves and some learning on our part and for my son this past year. Not being a part of his everyday life was an adjustment and of course the only way to find out about his day was to ask questions. I wanted to know everything....do you think a 14 year old boy is going to answer 20 questions about his day. That would be a NO. I would be lucky to get a response to one of the questions followed with, "why do you have to ask so many questions?". Well, because I love you and I'm your mom. Eventually I got better and I quit asking him about the little things. Why is it that the little things are what I miss most about being a part of his day? The monotonous, daily things we do as moms become the things I miss the most. Going up to wake him and arguing about about 5 more minutes, making meals, packing lunches, driving all over the country, laundry, picking up his room, helping with homework, knowing what he is studying, making sure he is showered, checking on him at bedtime and lucky to get in a few snuggles before bedtime and just busy schedules. I think it is because we know they are taken care of, we know what's going on in their lives, and that is our job. As they get older, that job requires less and less time. As time goes by, I am learning to let go of that stuff and it will be ok. It is ok if he misses a shower or a meal he will survive. He is enjoying our conversations much more without all the questions and nagging.
Then there is being accountable and responsible for his own schoolwork, projects, and taking ownership of that. This year is particularly hard because he was only in school for two days and then when hockey season started he went to remote learning at least until the season is over. I am thankful I had a whole year with him at home and he did Liberty University online academy. He's the only one who actually finished a normal school year because of Covid. It prepared him for remote learning. He has to advocate for himself and we've had to learn this process together because, of course, I wanted to jump in and help or email the teacher. I may have stepped in one difficult time but this is an area they need to learn by failure. It's ok to have a setback and quickly learn not to do it again. I do miss this part and being a part of this everyday. Also in regards to school, I don't get to have his buddies over and trip over all their shoes. I don't get to know them I like have his past friends. I don't get to hear there bantering, laughter and clean up after them. I know he will make good choices. I don't get to hear what happened at school or how his day went. I am thankful for the friends he has met they all seem like wonderful people and its nice to hear he is finding his place at school. Playing hockey in the south has taken him away pretty much every weekend since he was 8 years old! He didn't get to have a lot of sleepovers or attend school functions because of hockey. His friends were his teammates and that is how it has always been. He actually has time to have a social life at 14. He is very excited to go back to school as the school district has told them they can return to in-person instruction in March.
Then there is the hockey...
I can't say how proud I am of him doing all the above and maintaining a 4.0 GPA and making a strong varsity hockey team as a freshman. You never know unless you try...He knew he was going to have to work his tail off to make the team and he was determined to do that. It was sort of unknown territory especially with Covid, we didn't even know if hockey would happen. In North Carolina, he was a big fish in a small pond and now he is a little fish in a really big pond. He was thankful he got to play in the fall then Covid shut hockey down and luckily he was able to come home over the holidays and skate with some friends. We were thrilled for him when it was announced tryouts would happen in January and he ended up making the team. I was there with him and I won't forget that smile. He did this on his own and to see your child set his mind to something and accomplish it is a wonderful experience. He loves his teammates and coaches. I am so happy they have welcomed him with open arms and really taken him in. Everyone has been so helpful with rides and making sure he is taken care of. He loves being on the ice everyday and getting better everyday. It is just so much easier on him in Minnesota with the schedule and he is playing hockey for his school. There is something about playing a sport for your school that can't be replaced by a club sport. The pride and the school spirit is something he has never really gotten to experience at this level. He's had to adjust to a new team, new coach, new role and new systems. He's had to go thru a lot of adversity and it will all help him later in life. Hockey in itself has given him a lot of adversities to overcome and each a learning lesson. He has learned to advocate for himself. Mom and dad are not on this path it is his deal and he has to figure it all out. This journey is up to him so he just has to keep grinding and good things can come and only he can control that. I went from being his sounding board and being on long road trips with him and coach to not really knowing what's going on. In travel club hockey you are with your hockey family more than you are with your own family. It really becomes your life for 7-8 months out of the year. In the south, hockey is exhausting for everyone and your checkbook. We are all proud of him and excited for him to see where his journey might lead him. It's a process day to day and Rome wasn't built overnight. I need to remind myself. He will get to were he needs to be when he needs to be there. We all reach our potential when we are supposed to. God has a way with timing. Just like we all get to be the height we are supposed to get to when we reach it. He is one determined kid and I have no doubt he will accomplish what he wants to accomplish. I'm just there for him now to offer some motherly advice and cheer him on and be supportive.
For me, hockey has always been a love hate relationship because it has taken him away from me but has brought him so much joy and so many life lessons. It has given me some of the greatest memories that I cherish. I am also trying to learn to watch from afar which is hard. I was always there and when I knew he needed that hug from his mom to tell him it'll be ok, I could do that now I can't. The hardest part is not being there in the stands. I know he has his support system there and his grandpa is so proud of him in those stands. I miss our road trips and some long rides home. Now it's turned into messages or phone calls after the games. This is a big adjustment for me too, as it was a big part of my life but now. I will say it is nice to enjoy my time with the other kids and not have the world revolve around hockey.
This whole experience has prepared me for the next goodbye as I am helping my oldest plan for college now and have time to dedicate to him. I need to enjoy it and he will be gone before I know it. Time goes way to fast and now I know when the boys were tiny and people would say enjoy it, it goes to fast. They were right! I take one day at a time and learning to let go of control and learning to let them fly on their own is an exhausting emotional process. Even if the whole hockey thing doesn’t go as he hopes he’s learning a lot of life lessons.
There will never be someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you as much as a mother. ALWAYS !
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