Every morning I wake up

I walk by your room

I still see you lying there 

All sung in your bed

I pause for a minute 

Because I know it's just in my head.

I text you good morning

I love you and have a great day

I see those three dots pop up and they say

I love you mom and I’m ok.

I’ll call you later, I gotta go

Tell everyone I love them 

So that they all know. 

I pause for a minute and say quick prayer

Lord, he’s chasing his dreams 

now so please take good care

Care Of my baby, he’s my heart

And I never knew saying goodbye would be this hard.

I find myself scrolling through pictures on my phone

remembering all the times we had together on the road

We put on a lot of miles

You and I 

Shared a lot of good laughs and had some good cries. 

I watched you turn into a man

Right before my eyes.

I go in your room somedays

And sit on your bed

As memories flash through my head

Your laughter rings in my ears

It’s almost as if you're here.

No one ever told me 

When my boys would be gone

It would feel so lonely 

And the days would be so long.

I have done my job as their mom 

I hope they know I am so proud 

How far they’ve come

Keep your head held high

And reach for the sky

We are always going to be by your side

The sky's the limit 

you have to believe it to achieve it

You will fly high.

I know it because I see it 

when I look in your eyes.

My wish for you for the rest of your life

Where ever each one of you are

You know how much I love you until the day I die. 

MOM

The clouds get heavy too

Is Someone Near

It wasn’t until I moved to the south had I heard this saying… I take comfort knowing this. 

Every morning, I come home from school drop off and this Cardinal is waiting for me in the tree. I park and I sit and watch it for awhile then it will come sit on my mirror. 

I like to think of it as a sign someone is watching over me and letting me know everything will be ok. There’s been a lot weighing on my heart lately. 

So thank you to this cardinal who reminds me every morning someone is near. 

I Hope...

Your hope as a parent many things…

You hope your child sees all their potential

You hope that your child goes after his dreams

You hope they chase them. 

You hope they have goals.

You hope that they strive to meet those goals. 

You hope you have raised kind, respectful, and good people. 

You hope they always have that sparkle and wonder 

You hope they are happy

You hope they have great memories as a family

You hope you’ve done all you can 

You hope they make right choices

You hope you’ve done all you can

You hope they know how much they love you

You hope they know you’d do anything for them 

But in the end…

But in life, it’s up to them…

We hope and pray for our children because at some point we can’t do things for them anymore but pray. And that’s all we have… 

Give it up to God as the sweet southern ladies would say in my Bible study group. 

Always Taking The Faceoff

From 3 years old you wanted to take the face off. 

I would laugh because whenever they would line up you would push those other kids out of the way because you wanted to be the one to take the faceoff. You didn't even know that was a position. You just wanted to be that guy. You wanted the puck first. You never backed down. They were always bigger then you and well because you were 3 and most of them were 5 or 6.  The coaches then had to say Cooper it's someone else's turn.

One of your youth hockey coaches said you were born to play center and I think he may be right.

Twelve years later....

Still wanting to take that face off, you want to control how things are going to go, you want that puck, and still don't ever back down. 

In life, you have the control of how things are going to go. You will face many things but I know you will win that face off in challenges you come across because you are prepared. Hockey is a sport that has taught you so many life lessons along the way. It also has taught me many things. 

I played a lot of sports growing up but not one of them have as many life lessons like hockey! It truly is a sport that gives back.

One of the biggest life lessons~ IF YOU FALL -YOU GET BACK UP!

and you have many times!!! 

Winds of Change

So I have not written in a long time or kept up to date with my journal and I had some quiet down time and thought I would jump on. Maybe because it is the fact I don't want to face the reality of what is really happening around me. 

Time has been going by so fast and my boys are all growing up. I know it is cliché and everyone used to tell me to enjoy the time with your kids because it goes by to fast and they weren't wrong! Sometimes I find myself staring off into the distant out the window remembering a time when they were little. I look out the window and I see them crawling on the playset that still stands in the backyard that is in desperate need of staining. I see them riding bikes around the yard or playing an intense game of football or basketball. Sometimes tears well up in my eyes when I look out and I envision a street hockey game or one of them out there relentlessly shooting pucks. I miss hearing the sound of the puck hitting the post. I have been a stay home mom since the day I brought my oldest home. Now he is getting ready to leave for college in 5 months. How is that even possible. As they were growing up I could not even talk about that without a lump in my throat and now it's here. I am so proud of him and he has worked so hard. I try not to think about it because the thought of one more leaving hits my heart. I want to enjoy every second I have with him. Covid was sort of a blessing for the time I got to have him home for a 1 1/2 from school everyday.

I find myself going through old photos and thinking of all the things we've done together and memories made. A couple months ago we decided to sell the motorhome. I wasn't prepared how that was going to hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My kids are all growing up and life is changing for me. I sat there cleaning out the RV and started crying when I found little notes and things left behind in their sleeping bunks from our trips. I wish we would have invested in that sooner when they were littler but we still had a great time with them in it before they all became teenagers. We don't have the time to use it anymore and with one at home, I'm pretty sure he's not up for camping with mom and dad. I sat on the swing as it pulled away from the driveway and all the trips flashed back through my mind. So many great ones. We saw the countryside and I hope the boys will always remember those trips. 

We have been trying to spend time with Cooper in Minnesota as much as we can and just trying to make it work for all our kids as we want to be there for all of them. He's only 15 he still needs his mom and dad around! Then the oldest is leaving soon so we are trying to soak that all in while still trying to please a crabby almost 13 year old who wants his time too. It all is a balancing act that I thought was so hard when they were little if I only knew what I know now! Parenting is a journey that takes you on adventures, paths, struggles, rollercoasters, highs and lows. Lately a day to day journey! Life is not a race but a wonderful journey.

This year will be full of excitement and change and I'm trying to adjust my sails to go with the change. I may hit a few snags along with way but it'll be ok. The snags are just the strings tugging at mom's heart. 

As a mom you hope your children look back on their childhood and hope it brings them joy. You raise your kids and teach them things along the way. I am proud of how they have turned out and continue to grow. Now they are teaching me things. I used to tell them everything is going to be ok and now they tell me that.  Love you all ! Keep shooting for the stars and you'll land among them!