Chances

Chances come and chances go

Then before you know

there they go

I hope you know

Whatever road you follow

Whatever rollercoaster ride

I won’t be too far behind.

I think back and remember the days

You were a baby crawling on the floor

To a toddler hanging on the boards

Always behind you to pick you up when you fall

I’ve been doing it all along

I knew one day you would let go

But I would want more

More time to go through it

But you knew you could do it

on your own now

The chance came for you to choose

Either way we can’t lose

I think you are ready to take that step

A leap of faith and no regrets

Chances come and chances go

Then before you know

there they go

I hope you know

Whatever road you follow

Whatever rollercoaster ride

I won’t be too far behind.

You have been staring down the blue line

From the inside of the boards

Ever since you were three years old

Dad and I cheering you on from the stands

I hope you know

I’ll always be your biggest fan

Ever since the day

they laid you in my arms

you wrapped your little fingers around my hand

I knew God must have some big plans

Where does the time go

It slips way so fast

Like the sand in an hourglass

I know you want to walk through those doors

And want so much more

And see what this world has in store

They say it’s just a game

It’s not about your last name

It comes straight from the heart

That will not leave once it starts

It's not just a game

It's about the chances life brings

Chances that come along or roll away

Chances that what they are

Will be what they are supposed to be

Chances may be all your dreams

But you have to step out and see

It’s never say never

It's never looking back

There should be no regrets

Your possibilities are endless

Then I believe your expectations

Will lead you to amazing destinations

Listen to your heart and you will find

Something that fills you up inside

You can’t quit or give up something

You love

No matter how hard you try

It will always be a part of you

In your heart and on your mind

Chances come and chances go

Then before you know

there they go

I hope you know

Whatever road you follow

Whatever rollercoaster ride

I won’t be too far behind.

~Allison Jacobson

4-19-17

Through The Glass

(I read a slightly different piece and changed to fit my story) 

You can barely see him through the foggy glass of early morning hockey or late night practice. 

The familiar clicks of sticks on ice and pucks hitting the boards.  

And that familiar kind of grinding sound the skate blades make as he turns hard through the corners. 

And among all the foggy silhouettes, you see him. The skating style you could pick out from anywhere. The way he swings his arms. The way he digs and glides around the corners. 

To you it’s a kind of magic. That’s your kid out there. 

On the second warmup lap, a stick hits the glass and startles you. 

It’s him. And he wants to make sure you’re watching. He smiles and chuckles at the reaction. 

Sure he is older now. More independent. The teen years make you face your own mortality. You realize how quickly this time has gone by.

Maybe he makes you drop him off around the corner so his friends don’t see you. 

Maybe he rolls his eyes sometimes. 

But he still loves you. 

Needs you. 

And although he may never admit it, he cares that you’re watching. 

He wants you to see how good he’s doing. 

That you approve of him

That you’re proud of him. 

So you still matter so much. Even when you don’t feel like it. 

He is just figuring it out. And it’s hard to be half kid and half adult. You probably remember. 

So things come out sideways. 

But not right now. Not this moment right here. It’s always perfect. It’s his safe spot. 

As the game starts, there’s just a joy in how he plays. How he goes after the puck as if it’s the most important thing in the world. And it is. At least for now. 

Because this is the place we all come to share the dream. To feel alive. 

Maybe it’s just about doing something to be active. 

Maybe it’s social. Maybe it’s team. 

And maybe it’s the quiet hope we are all so fearful to admit. That desire to play in the big time, and be the heroes we so badly want to be. 

So the game goes like so many.  Frozen moments in time that weave together a lifetime of treasured memories. I’ll have them forever. 

Battles for the puck. Offsides more times than you ever want to count. Them someone takes a cheap shot and hurts your kid and momma bear comes out. Part of you hates it because he deserves better. 

And part of you shakes it off because you realize this is real life now. The world isn’t always so fair and kind. 

But we get the hell back up—when we refuse to quit—we’re taking a stand. You can’t stop me. Ever. 

And we’re saying we refuse to be broken by anything. 

That’s the amazing thing about hockey. In just one game, you’ve lived out an entire lifetime. 

Joy and pain. 

Hope and disappointment. 

And when everything goes exactly right, it’s magic. 

The cheers. 

The pride. 

The team. 

He knows all of that without saying a word. 

There’s a beauty so great when you take advantage of the gifts that are wrapped in so many frozen moments. This is the space where you feel everything. Absolutely everything. 

And as the game ends—as the handshake lines scatter and the sea of boys pours off the ice—you see him. 

Tired. Red-faced. Sweaty and exhausted. 

But there’s just something about that smile. 

You’ll never forget it. 

It says I love you and I’m proud and I’m happy in a way I can never shape with words. 

And when you can’t find the words, you know you’re in the presence of God that makes all of this so incredibly, heartwarmingly, bittersweet beautiful. 

It’s like he found a way to fly. 

All of it was worth it. 

The sweaty car rides, hockey bags, and broken sticks, thousands of miles, hours of window time, long talks about life, the ever revolving bank account, hotels, plane rides and bumps and bruises were all somehow worth it. 

Just to see that smile.

Keep flying and keep dreaming! 

Here we are 116th day

Yes still dealing with Coronavirus and on day 116 of the world being turned upside down. 

Pretty much tired of hearing about it. 

Praying everyday that vaccine will come. Then the vaccine comes then there will be an uproar because not everyone will get vaccinated...

The world is a scary place for our children right now and they don’t realize it. 

None of it makes sense.

When things are confusing...

One of my favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 3 5:6. “Trust in the Lord with your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight.”

In a time like this, we are never going to understand what is happening around us but we can lessen our anxieties by knowing God has this. We need to trust that this will end and we will have better days ahead. 

Take each day and be thankful for what is around you and enjoy the small moments because they are the big moments.

Things I Didn’t Think Of Before Coronavirus

Don’t know I would need to be rationing toilet paper! 

Three weeks into lockdown and starting to ration toilet paper... because I always buy the biggest ones on a normal basis so we were already prepared without even knowing it... and then buy more when we run low cuz that’s what normal people do! Have ppl not figured out there’s no need to hoard toilet paper! No where has any TP when I go still!!

This is a respiratory illness not asspiratory illness!

Time Capsule for 2020

My time capsule for 2020 Quarantine:

Words from the parents:

Letter to myself:

What was the biggest change:

How do you like homeschooling:

Days inside:

Top 3 moments:

What are you most thankful for:

What activities you most enjoyed:

What tv shows you watched:

You new found inside family activity:

Favorite food:

Favorite time of day:

Goals after this:

How am I feeling during this:

What are three things I am most excited to do when this is over:

What did I learn from this:

You are living through history right now put something in this time capsule that you can look back on. 

Cleaning Out and Time Capsule

I have decided to finally tackle projects around the house that need to be done that I have been putting off for some time now.  I haven’t been able to keep up with the boys clothes and closets because they just grow too fast and whatever doesn’t fit I just usually throw into the youngest kid’s closet. I have also found that one of my boys doesn’t know where the garbage is in his room. Apparently he likes to eat microwave popcorn when he goes to bed and then falls asleep.  I was dusting and found some of their hiding places for the candy they hid from each other or candy wrappers they hid from me! I’m also wondering how a fruit snacks gets on top of a bookcase. I can’t count how many nerf gun bullets I have found in strange places. 

All that being said sometimes cleaning out closets or cabinets will stop you in your tracks. In the mundane task of cleaning I found joy. Sort of a time capsule from 2004-2009. I cleaned out the game closets and found memory, big blocks of dominoes, big piece puzzles all from when the boys were little. I never could toss them out. It brought back some fond memories. I also came across the DVDs I would pop in for the boys when they were little. We would sing and dance along together and it brought back such great memories of them being little toddlers. In particular, Braedyn loved the Wiggles. Those dang catchy tunes are still stuck in my head. One by one, I was pulling out the DVDs and remember those times. It got me thinking, the period of time we have right now isn’t much different from back then...home all day with each other. I looked at it from a different perspective...brought me back to toddler days...

I used to be that Pinterest mom who had the arts and crafts, games, dress up, baking, and just fun things to do. I had to dig deep and find that mom again. I somehow lost the fun and imagination. I remember days we would just color for hours. I had gotten out my paint to work on a project and Braedyn asked can we paint, I feel like being creative. I loved it. I got out the paints and we sat at the table and they created and painted. They did it again the next day. I just needed to readjust my thinking and think back to those days when we were at home with no place to be. What did we do during those days, when they were toddlers. They are older now, but they are still kids and I’m happy to know that they still want to do some of those things with me. 

I plan on putting together a time capsule from this quarantine to look back on and that will bring me joy again sometimes and hopefully some great memories we had together as the time keeps getting shorter and shorter.