Since the beginning of the year my faith has been tested a few times. I have never relied on my faith as much as I have in the last couple months. It was clear that there was nothing I could do but just pray and lean on him that my prayers would be answered and I had to give it all to God. I saw the below post on my Facebook feed and it rang true to me.
Leaning on my faith is what got me through these past couple months. I had to trust God that whatever was going to happen was in his hands and whatever it was I would accept it.
God's grace is good and was! It is always is there even when my grace was not. I'm learning as I grow in my faith, through all of the not so good things I have been through, put my parents through, how I treat my kids or my husband, my past sins, my quick tongue, and my actions his amazing grace continues to bless me and he continues to show up because he does love me. It is an unfailing love that comes from above. Trusting in my prayers spoken or silent is how I got through my fears, worries, sadness, and anxiety.
In January, my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor that needed to removed immediately or it would continue to grow and she would die. They did not know if it was cancer but it was posing a threat to her life. The surgery was the most difficult surgery a neurosurgeon could perform as it was dead center in the middle of her brain.
The risks were to scary for the doctors to tell us is exactly so he just said if your the praying type just say a lot of prayers...
I knew I needed to be there for the surgery. This is why being away from family is getting hard for both of us as we see our parents getting older. Everything seemed a blur around this time... I spent the first weekend after we found out in a hotel room in Washington DC for a hockey tournament and normally I would've been out with the parents and kids but I just hung out in the hotel room with the boys and we watched football. My heart and head were in MN! Charlie knew how important it was for me to be there so he got me a flight home and I surprised her the night before the surgery. She thought I was too busy to come home. I'll never forget walking through her hospital door about 10:00 at night. My aunt picked me up at the airport and dropped me off at the doors of St. Mary's Hospital. She had no idea when I walked through those doors! I had just talked to her earlier in the day right before I headed to the airport in a treacherous drive from an ice storm of all things ... She thought we were still stuck inside which we technically were but luckily the Hummer can take you anywhere anytime.
They took her back early in the morning and we were all there to give her kisses and hugs before they wheeled her away.
I remember sitting in the chapel with my dad at the hospital because I just needed to be in peace and feel his love,while she was in surgery and just pray that he would see her through the surgery and the tumor would be benign. The Doctor was the top neurosurgeon at Mayo Clinic so we knew she was in good hands but they were cutting into her brain! The surgery went very well and they were able to get all of the tumor. The pathology came back and it was benign! I still have my best friend and lucky to call her mom
In February, I had my first mammogram since I turned 40. It was time I go and get that done. I figured I'd just get a letter saying everything was fine and come back in another year. A couple weeks went by and I was at Lowe's picking out paint for a project that I was working on at home and the phone rang. I get a call from an unknown number but it was local, so I picked it up reluctantly, and it was Wake Radiology calling. They were calling because they had found something suspicious on my scan and I needed to come back to get some more images. I think my heart stopped for a second and I called Charlie. I got tears in my eyes... He told me not to worry but it wasn't something I expected... And I got a bit emotional. As a mom
The first thing I thought of is my boys and husband they need their mom and a healthy one... I wasn't worried about me, I was thinking whose going to do all that I do if this doesn't work out to be the way we want. Then I had to stop and realize it was out of my control as much as I hate NOT being in control.
The day went on and I had a lot on my agenda that day, so I went about my day. I was able to get back in for the follow up pretty quickly the next couple days. They did 3D breast imaging and ultrasounds. They did show me the mass that was 1.5 cm on my right breast. They couldn't tell exactly what it is, so they suggested either I wait and come back for a repeat scan in six months or get a biopsy. They sent the results to me OB/GYN and he referred me to second opinion at Duke where they sent me to the cancer center. The radiologists at Duke reread my scans and suggested a biopsy be performed and I met with the breast cancer surgeon. That all happened in the month of March. We went over everything at the appointment and the boys were with me because they were out of school at the time all of this was going on. This was concerning to them as they know two moms currently fighting breast cancer. After meeting with her and discussing options, the best choice was to do a biopsy to determine if the mass was benign or malignant. She said a lot of women that have this similar situation have fibroidadenomas that come back as benign. I was still scared because you just don't know. I was going to wait because I was scheduled to run a race that was coming up. I thought I can wait. We were now into April and the biopsy got scheduled a couple weeks before my race because I just couldn't wait and worry anymore.
It was scheduled for a Tuesday morning so on Monday after I dropped the kids off at school I went for a very long run about 8 miles and part of it was running up to the top of Occoneechee Mountain and just sit with my thoughts and pray. I didn't know if this might be the last time I run for awhile. As I was running a lot of thoughts were going through my head... It was comforting to me as well listening to my Christian Rock artists on that run and my faith getting deeper with each passing song as they were taking on a whole new meaning to me. I may have been singing quite loud so I'm thankful it's not a busy trail.
The boys and I prayed their bedtime prayers and I let them ask questions. They were concerned and Cooper just said... " you will be ok mom, because you have to be." Their snuggles make everything better!
I had a girlfriend go with me that morning so I didn't have to be alone and Charlie took the kids to school. They took me back into this room where they performed the biopsies.
It was going to be a core biopsy were they stick a instrument into the skin after they numb and cut it and it pops out grabbing tissue samples. They took five tissue samples. The worst part was the needle to numb the area. The whole thing took about 45 minutes. I was sore and had lunch with another girlfriend to catch up and take my mind off of things. I was to get the results in a couple days. I picked up the boys from school and Cooper held my hand all the way home. They all crawled up and snuggled with me after school. I pretty much did nothing and slept the whole next day and took a day to just lay around. The spot was pretty bruised and sore. They said they'd have results in a few days...
They called one day later at 5 pm with the results and praise the Lord it was benign!
It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders! I decided I was still going to finish my last training run even if I had to walk some of it. The Drs said I could as long as it didn't hurt. So two days later I was still on this joyous high of good news, I joined my running partner for a ten mile run on the course we would be racing. I wore two really tight padded sports bras and if we needed to stop we did. I made sure to ice and use ibuprofen. It healed completely in about a week. I was ready to race!
Ironically the race sponsors the UNC cancer center. It was a ten mile run through Chapel Hill and UNC campus. It is very hilly. I was so happy to be able to run and not have cancer I just took off at the start. I finished in 1 hour 23 minutes and had about a 8:19 pace. I was amazed and crossed that finished line almost wanting to cry because I was happy I did it and mainly because it was done! So two weeks after my negative biopsy result, I was 181st out of 2,347 female runners and placed 24th in my age group. I was happy with that since as of January with all that had been going on my training was really limited.
I think I see where Cooper gets his look of determination :)
Ahhhhhh
Water, water, water....
I think as breast cancer is getting caught earlier in younger women, I was scared and worried. We know three people who are currently battling it or recently recovered. Charlie's aunt died from breast cancer. It's real to us. It was because of his aunt I was proactive on getting myself checked. I'm glad I did this race and look forward to doing the Susan G Komen race for the cure when I can fit it in my schedule. Duke did send me a letter saying I'm in a high risk category because of the way my tissue is made up in my breasts. So because of that, it's important to get my yearly screening.
I think through this all it also made me reflect a little bit on life and how it's the little things we take for granted and to be thankful for the time and memories we have with our family. I'm trying to be more patient and understanding with the boys and realize everything doesn't have to be perfect because life is not perfect. We take the good with the bad...
I relied on my faith to get me through and a lot of talking with God. Once again he blessed me, so I can continue on my journey in my faith and as a mom and wife. I'm thankful on this Mother's Day to be healthy!
As a woman it's important to get your screening done when it's time. All it takes is a few minutes out of your day to get checked and not only for yourself but for your family!
God is Good all the time
All the time God is good!
